I had a discussion with my friend and colleague, Scott David, executive coach, and owner of Courage to Be, about my blog post called The Connection Between Love and Staying Healthy.
Scott is never afraid to talk about big topics so it was a lot of fun to listen to him explain why there is room for love at work and why it’s necessary to have the capacity for love if you want to lead in an authentic way.
We covered lots of ground in our discussion so I’ve broken it down into 3 segments. This breaks down the first segment which is about 11 minutes long.
1:54 Scott explains how love is more than an emotion- it’s a capacity– a capacity for compassion, empathy, generosity, understanding, and curiosity.
4:22 – There are the two components of holding a loving position:
- Combatting Fear
- Getting out of your head and focusing on the other person
“Especially in times of ambiguity and risk and all we are going through fear takes over and we slip into self-preservation.”
5:50 – you’ll hear the surprising way that fear shows up at work and how to combat it.
6:24 – you’ll learn the real reason behind much of the friction and dysfunction that occurs at work.
7:25 – you have a choice- either acceptance or resistance. Too often leaders choose resistance to their own detriment.
8:26 – Scott shows me how my wanting my team to stop complaining and focus on the positive is inviting more complaining. That was a kicker.
10:00 – Scott explains the pitfalls of resistance and the downside of acceptance- it’s a tricky balance to hold two opposing forces and Scott has a way of helping you see it’s not only possible but the best way to lead with love.
That’s the first third of our discussion in a nutshell. Watch up until that point and tell me what you think.
Part 2 of my discussion with Scott David, executive coach and owner of Courage to Be.
At 12:07 Scott shares a fascinating fact about horses and how they pick up and respond to vibes. He references the work of Barb Karosec. Any medicine woman worth her salt will tell you there are many lessons to be learned from Nature.
Horses sense the disconnect between what you’re feeling and your outward affect. Horses like your employees, respond negatively to dissonance. It’s best to be honest about what you’re feeling if you want to lead with integrity.
At 13:57 Scott backs up his bold statement that there is room for emotion at work.
“Know what’s going on with you and be transparent about it.”
At 16:25 – it’s not a sign of weakness to own it when you make a mistake.
At 17:00 Scott gets a confession out of me about being labelled “hysterical” if I show emotion at work.
At 17:44 another confession! I realized why I like to tidy up at work when we are busy.
At 19:07 Scott hits on self-care at work. Self care is the first step in any kind of love.
Part 3 of my discussion with Scott David, executive coach and owner of Courage to Be.
21:21 9th century monk writing on 4 levels of love: 1. I love me for me. 2. I love you for me. 3. I love you for you – 2 and 3 depend on the other person being a certain way. That shows up at work also. 4. I love me for you. I take care of myself. I make sure I am whole, managing my experience and staying present so I can come to you unburdened by needing anything from you.
That’s the foundation of leadership. Leading as creating a space for people to do their best work.
25:42 why leading with love does impact the bottom line. Scott gives an example of a client who has not only found success at work but is sleeping better, his family life is better, has less self-doubt. “At home” you is the same as “at work” you.
As you build capacity it stays with you.
29:30 It’s about doing a big job well without killing yourself in the process. This leads to why people sometimes think they are in the wrong job because they feel like they’re killing themselves to be successful.
30:22 the idea of loving work is foreign to many Americans. We love capital and leisure but we don’t love labor. There is nothing quite as satisfying as a good day at work. Work as a necessary evil.
31:41 when we got kicked out of the garden. I decided I had to hate it. It wasn’t a curse from the almighty.
33:35 Scott gives great advice on what to do on the days when you don’t love work.
The entire video can be found here on my youtube channel.